How It All Happened

I never asked for this. But neither did my son.

Matt attended four years of college after high school, but didn't graduate because he never really zeroed in on a major that he liked enough to finish. So he decided on his own to quit school to keep from wasting any more time or money. He moved back to this area so that he could be near friends, and landed a great job that lasted for nearly eight years.  Eight terrific years--until his job was "eliminated" by the company that he worked for. That was two years ago.

For the first few weeks after he lost his job, Matt understandably didn't want to tell his father or me.  Of course, not telling us only made things worse as he drained his savings to try to stay on top of his bills. Eventually he had to ask us for money and for help moving out of his apartment.

Sure, he applied for other jobs. But that was just about the time the economy was starting to fall off and I'll probably never know how many jobs he applied for and didn't get. I do know that having eight years of work experience made him "over qualified" for some entry-level jobs. At least he was trying to get another job, but so were a lot of other people.

So without a job or a place to live, I felt like I had to come up with a new identity for him--something other than "unemployed." I proposed that he move back home and enroll at the local university to finish his degree. Going back to school appealed to him because he had always been a very successful student. And more than anything, he needed to feel good about himself again.

Now, after two years of sharing our home with the younger of our two sons, I feel qualified to write about some of the problems that we've faced along the way and some of the unexpected rewards.

I promise you this: I'm not going to tell you that there are any easy answers when your child "boomerangs" back home. Putting two households together under one roof just isn't that simple. I have to admit that I've made mistakes, especially in the beginning when I was probably pretty angry that my well-organized, predictable life had been turned upside down. If nothing else, I am learning to be more tolerant. But that's only been in more recent months. The truth is that the three of us, my husband and I and Matt, have had our "moments." More in a few days.