A Letter to Boomerang Mom

Dear Boomerang Mom,

It seems to me that it is time for us to review some of the expectations I had when I moved home two years ago.

Yes, I know that I made quite the point of rejecting the notion (abhorrent to me to this very day!) of living in the basement. As I said at the time, I feared that I had become such a cliché to all of my friends because of my need to move back home that I found it utterly unthinkable that you would even suggest that I take up residency in the unfinished portion of the basement. You did not seem to understand at all my request to occupy the guest room on the main level and it was only under duress that you finally allowed me to do so. It grieves me to think that I even had to ask for this small alteration in your plans.   

While I do understand your need for me to remove my laundry from the dryer so that you may continue with your household duties, it seems to me that you have more than adequate time to carry my laundry to my room for me. I believe that with a bit of effort, you may be able to work this into your schedule.

As far as coming and going at all hours, this is the result of living on my own for more than eight years. I do not mean any disrespect, but have found it impossible to alter my previous lifestyle. I answered to no one, and I continue to reject any thoughts of being accountable to you, Dad, or anyone else. I am, after all, thirty-two years old.

When you asked last Saturday afternoon that I play my guitar at another time since you were taking a timed math test on your computer, I was quite put out at the way you phrased your request that I play my guitar elsewhere. Consideration and respect are absolutely essential if we are to live together peacefully.

And I would like you to reconsider my request (yes, the same request I’ve made twice before) for my own small refrigerator in my room so that I do not have to walk from one end of the house to the other for a beer. This is just a small matter of convenience that I’m asking for. I am not asking for a complete kitchen, just one small appliance.

Your son,

Matt